Falling so deep into a black hole
no sense of direction,
hoping a compass will fall from the sky,
left me dreamy, as it never happened,
following my instinct to find a way.

wishing and hoping to see the light,
but found nothing but total blindness,
maybe my instinct aint so right after all.

looking up at the dark blue sky,
as the moon brighten up the night.
I see the moon and the stars starring and laughing at me.
trying to prove them wrong, disregarding their opinion.
I keep walking and walking, following my senses.

Spending years to make the world believe that I wasnt lost.
I've forgotten, the true reason, of being,
about finding my path to light.
As I begin to get weary,
I begin to ponder, if I had pick another path,
would I still be here?
Walking and Walking around in circles,
never realizing it'd became my full time job and lost my purpose to live.


For the sake of not letting the world that matters down for a moment,
I have now have no where to go, but to keep falling.
I don't know how to get out,
as no one knows where I am.
A skillfully master plan of lies leaves me in dissertation.






Living in denial forever, and may loneliness be my friend forever.

ARE YOU A FIGHTER? OR A LOOSER???

Failure isn't a choice but it's a hurdle for us to aim higher :)

I cam across the word lonliness today... Didn't really think much about it, until I had to talk about it on air. It kept me wondering do I feel lonely??

People might begin to see me as being too far away, and distant from the world, and being in my nutshell for far too often. I met someone really great a few days ago, turns out there are people whom are excatly like me. Which means that being in my own bubble or my nutshell doesn't mean that I'm lonely, I'm just a person that loves my personal space.

These few years has really changed me, from a person who's enemy with loneliness to a person that has became friends and made such deal with it. So proud of myself :P I have became a person that's cold, far too cold that I could ever thought a person could ever be :P But well, I get to feel the ying and yang of both sides, even though I don't intend to stay here forever, but I know, for now, this is where I wanna be....

It takes something very impactable to ever change a person, both views and perceptions and being. I would say not alot of people have influenced or changed me, although I have in some ways build some particular perceptions based on what I have felt could be good for myself. But there are a few people that did changed me totally. At that point in time, I really thought I was totally right about everything, maybe I'm just so used to making my own decisions, having to trust my own instings.

Being spoiled isn't an option, but it's something that feels great, but in the end, we dont realize we become far too dependant on it. And when we lose that pillar in our lives we become lost, I make an oath to myself that I will always learn to be dependant only to myself. But how dependant should one be to oneself, without coming across being to cold and becoming an Iceberg??

The circle of life,

why do i keep getting the same thing over and over again? Haven't I learn enough from the previous ones? or Is one proned to be attracted by the same thing?? Am I to blame If I keep picking the same thing, and having to go through the same thing OVER AND OVER? IF i'm NOT? HOW THeN?


I am the only one that could help myself to get out of this circle.... so? what are you waiting for?? GET OUT!! GET OUT!! GET WHAT U WANT NOW!!! Second chances might not come around....

and End of days is coming soon...

If one could be treated with respect would you allow people to treat you like trash? When everyone else and everything else is more important than you, would you still allow people to treat you that way?? Always having the left overs, having to serve everyone else before yourself, where you could surviving comfortably without any of their help? Why then should one not rebel against what they are faced upon.

I feel like I wanna run,
but I have no place to run nor hide.
when the only comfort turns against me
and refuse to even listen,
I am here yet alone again,
listening to my pulse, waiting for a revolution.

Have I just became someone that I used to hate?
A self pitying, helpless, person whom seem to brag about the same thing over and over,
but yet not do anything about it?
Now I begin to understand the pressure and the feeling.
No one truly understand what one has to go through other than themselves.


Being Fat and Invisible

It's so funny how fatter people tend to become invisible to others, not mentioning the physical size. I've been The GirL, where all eyes as I walk. And I've been the Invisible GirL, where I'm almost non existent. I would say I'm a happy person no matter what i physically appear to people. It turns out there's a limit to that. It's so amazing I had never view it this way. But I promised myself I would not allow others to make me in anyway, to change my perception as to how I should be, or how I should look. So glad to be in control, So glad to be able to feel good about myself.

I found a beautiful gift, the beautiful gift of life, I've never seen, which had always been in front of my eyes. I have neglected every gift God has given to me. Maybe this was the only way to make me see, for a better future. God never give us more or less that what we're capable to give and accept. But it's how we respond and handle that situation that matters.

We aren't born to be perfect, but we are born given the freedom of choice. You may choose to live, you may choose to die, you may choose to dream, you may choose to be in anger, you may choose to live in pain, you may choose ego over life, you may choose to fail, you may choose to drown in sorrow. It's all up to you... but why don't we just choose to live? Not a perfect life, not a dreamy life, but just life as it is... No more no less



Artist : India Arie

Title : Beautiful Suprise

It's like yesterday
I didn?t even know your name
Now today
You're always on my mind
I never could have predicted that I feel this way
You're beautiful surprise
Intoxicated every time I hear your voice
You've got me on a natural high
It's almost like I didn?t even have a choice
You're beautiful surprise

Whatever it is you came to teach me
I am here to learn it cause
I believe that we?re written in the stars
I don't know the future hopes
But I'm living in the moment
And I'm thankful for the man that you are, you are, you are
You are everything I ask for in my prayers
So I know my angels brought you to my life
Your energy is healing to my soul
You're beautiful surprise
You're inspiration to my life
You're the reason why I smile
You're beautiful surprise